Are you happy?

I was wondering what I would write about this month. December and January’s blogs were written, but I realized nothing for November yet. Then I was reminded of what I watched this morning (and further confirmation, this was the perfect topic, the next morning). I stumbled upon Arthur Brooks, who recently wrote a book with Oprah Winfrey on the science of happiness. In his book “Build the life you want: The science of getting happier” he focuses on what he calls the 4 pillars of happiness. Faith, Family, Friends and Work that serves other people to be the core elements for a better chance of good mental health. As I listened to a couple of talks from MSNBC and The Napa Valley institute I enjoyed hearing a consistent message to 2 different audiences. It echoed a similar sentiment when I began my journey in 2010 to happiness, which now results in many saying “you are living the dream”.

I felt I should share the above information, since it came from an actual person, who has done scientific research, a PhD to be exact and teaches this research at Harvard, while also sharing these ideas in the Catholic Church. I read an article in The Arlington Catholic Herald on a talk he gave to young adults in Reston, near my home, which reminded me of his work. Someone suggested listening to his podcast, and reading about Arthur being local, it piqued my interest to research more. Everything I heard, echoed my journey and why I found the dream that most all of us are seeking, that personal legend of The Alchemist, which will be echoed in next months blog. I then realized this will be the perfect blog to set the stage for next month’s.

I would like to focus on a couple points that Mr. Brooks spoke about that I integrate daily in all I do. First is Family. He says you should talk to you family regularly, unless it’s abusive. I have to be honest, I fail at this in many respects outside of my home due to past situations, that reoccur in some manners and can be unhealthy. However I have reconciled the past and try to keep in contact with all of my family, especially with my wife and daughter. This truly brings me joy embracing a child, I previously lacked interested in experiencing, prior to meeting my wife, since it felt that time had passed. Thanks to trusting the blessing of my wife and child, it’s brought me great happiness I could not have planned on my own.

Friends, are they R or D, as Arthur Brooks would say, not Democrat or Republican, but Real or Deal. Are you friends with someone simply out of a transactional relationship (using for gains/deals) or are they friends that are simply there because they enjoy human connection with you and your presence (real presence). This is a point I often share with others, everything in our world has become transactional. What are you giving me and what am I getting out of you. The definition of love as given by Thomas Aquinas is “the choice to will the good of the other”. This understanding always comes from a place of sacrifice however, just a Jesus/God understands, we have free will, that cannot be imposed on. Jesus leads us in that perfect way of sacrificial love, to will the good of others, by laying down our lives, for the other. Jesus’ friends were always served by Him and the taught them to serve, not be served.

Then we’ll roll into Faith and Work with purpose, because these go hand and hand with my personal path. Arthur in the secular interview talks about needing faith in something that transcends our lives, believing in something that is unseen of sorts. This is what hope is built around, there can be a better life if I take these steps. You often hear people say I can’t believe anything I don’t see, our modern rationalist world. As a person who ran 33 failing businesses before turning 31 of them around into productive, achieving businesses, I learned what faith was, before I began practicing it religiously. One of my favorite examples was the Domino’s pizza I took over in 2005. It averaged $6000-$8000 a week in sales, and was one of the worst stores in a 40+ store franchise. When I arrived no one including most people at my franchise thought anything much was possible. However I knew the Papa John’s, literally across the street, did $20,000 a week. I thought maybe we can’t do 20,000 but I “believe” (have faith) we can do more.

In about 3-6 months we were 100% positive in sales for 8 straight weeks over the previous year. I laid a foundation with my crew, some existing members who were willing to work together for change, and other new members I found to participate. We did things the right way as we knew at the time, trying to constantly improve, by delivering what we promised in advertising, and we gave a great effort sacrificing along the way with hard work to achieve a goal others thought was impossible. By the end our faith was rewarded, and a special prize was given to me unexpectedly. This was nice, but it was a passing moment because it was not fulfilling. This is the way of the Christian I now see, we must do as we preach (advertise), and by leading in that example, others will trust in confidence that we offer something that is of authentic value.

When I returned to my faith in 2010, it began to transcend my life. The same things I did in business; trusting things will get better if I follow the basic rules, so too went with the teachings of Jesus Christ through His Catholic Church. I reluctantly trusted these teachings attending mass daily. I had come to the understanding people in AA come to. I realized I was the common denominator in all of my problems, and I needed to fix this, people in my life changed, but I kept having the same dysfunction. I also came to the conclusion, I needed a higher power to change and transcend me, since I was too prideful to get it right previously.

This is where the videos really resonated with me about Arthur Brooks research and teachings. As I began to do work in the Church in my personal capacity, never as an employee but simply serving others, I realized this was bringing others joy. This brought me joy too. It was a joy however no one but God could create. Moments that would seem to be coincidence to others, became a reality of co-incidents for me, and would bring such a euphoria because I was experiencing this reality, that I am living in union with my Creator’s design, purpose and providence just as the Bible and saints talk about.

From here I was determined to create a business that allowed me to serve joy to others, while still living out what we call “the baptismal promise”. If you have ever had a cup of coffee from me, 90 out of a 100 times a person I encounter had this experience. I try to say this with humility from what I see, and others don’t. There are times I fail, but I have to reflect, how can I be better next time. We have a world that needs the light and grace of Jesus Christ and sometimes we are like Peter where we get weak, deny Jesus and our fellow humans made in the image of God. In humility we have to identify that, and try to be better the next chance we get for redemption.

Conclusion: I had to write this last paragraph to a providential morning, the day after I wrote this blog. I was planning to wake up at 6:30 am, but instead I was up at 5 a.m. I decided I would just get ready and go to mass at 6:30 am, instead of noon as I initially planned. It would turn out to be a providential moment as I would see Arthur Brooks, with his wife at liturgy. This was as he put, “serendipity”. For me, it was another great reminder of the beauty and happiness in life, God will provide, if we would just trust His design, instead of trying to force our own. It should be noted, I had a negative experience at this same church days earlier. I let it discourage me that day and left. I could have not come back, just as I previous experienced several years ago, but it was God’s way of reminding me to trust Him. This also reminds me of the good friends I’ve met at this parish and how I can’t get wrapped up in the behavior of 1 pastor that sometimes undermines Jesus’ Church and Sacraments.

This moment captures the spirit of this blog, and the joy of living Christmas everyday. I'm not one to pay for these pictures usually, but I had a St. Nicholas card I wrote, and we saw a special St. Nicholas chaplet at in the mall gift shop. I asked my daughter if she wanted to give Santa Claus (St. Nicholas) a gift. She responded yes, and so I took the opportunity to encourage her to give, instead of asking for something. It was a moment that brought us great joy and happiness, after attending Mass in the chapel, located in a mall basement in Massachusetts.